The day of surgery was one of the roughest days of
my life. We were dreading it and looking forward to having it be done with, all at the same time. Alana stayed the night with
my parents the night before surgery because we had to be at the hospital at 6am. I could not feed Brock after 4 am, so I woke
him up and nursed him at 3:30 am. After that, of course, I could not sleep. I got out of bed around 4:30, got showered, finished
packing, woke up Ken, grabbed a cereal bar and we were off.
All I wanted to do is smell Brock's little head and
run my hands over it, because I knew it would never feel the same.
Ken and I made a quick stop at Starbucks and we were
off to Children's Hospital. We arrived a little after 6am. I started filling out the paperwork and a pastor from Cherry Hills
Church showed up. Right as he walked up, one of the resident neurosurgeons came up to me with the dreaded packet. As I listened
to her tell us the things that "COULD" happen during surgery, my heart broke and the tears started. This was definately one
of the hardest parts of the day...when I signed a waiver saying that my son "could" die, or have a brain bleed. After listening
to the risks, we prayed, and then it was time to go to pre-surgery.
Back in the pre-op room, we weighed Brock and changed
him into his hospital gown. Next, we washed his hair with a special shampoo. It was red in color and had to sit on his
head for a few minutes. When we finished, the anestisiologist came into out room. She explained where his tubes would
be, how many there would be, and how difficult it is to put IV's in babies. She told us that they would be updating us
every hour, and to not be surprised if that first update they were still trying to get his lines in. One thing that made us
feel better is that he would already be sleeping, so at least he wouldn't feel being poked at.
Next thing we knew, it was 8 o'clock sharp and 2 nurses
came back to get our baby. Ken and I gave our tearful goodbyes and watched them walk through the double doors. This was
the worst moment of the day. Handing your baby over to virtual strangers is horrible and the unknown weigh at your heart.
And the wait began...
At 9:15 we got our first update and it was fantastic!
They got all of his lines in on the first go, and they had already been operating for 25 minutes!!! He was doing well!
At 10 am...then 10:30, we were getting nervous
because they had not called down to the waiting room to update us, when suddenly we see Dr. Winston, Dr. Ketch and the anestegiologist
walk around the corner...THEY WERE DONE!
Brock did wonderfully. He was in recovery doing well.
He did not lose as much blood as most babies, so the surgery was much faster than normal. We could go back in 15-30
minutes. I was in tears from being so happy that this nightmare was coming to an end.
When they came back to get us to bring us to
see him, I couldn't wait. I was nervous to see him and excited to hold my baby again. When I first saw him, laying in
a bed much too big for him, he was so pale and in pain. He kept wimpering and crying. I asked the nurse if I could hold
him and she said yes. After basically learning how to hold my baby again, he was in my arms...no longer wimpering, he just
needed me. His head looked amazing...there are photos in the pictures section of the recovery room and you can see for
yourself how helpless he looked. He was also hooked up to many lines. Both of his feet had IV's, and he had a HORRIBLE head
drain coming from the back of his head. That was the hardest to look at. After attempting to nurse for a few minutes,
we waited in the recovery room for them to bring us up to our room.
I do not know what I was expecting our room
to be like, but it was NOT what the took us to. The room was basically a triage room. There were three beds and one nurse's
station. The beds were separated by curtains. It was loud and not PRIVATE at all.
Once we made it to our rooms, our families were
able to see Brock. They were in for quite a shock. I know Ken's mom was in tears, but nothing hurt worse than seeing my mom
in tears. She said "I didn't expect it to be so bad". Well, luckily I had been expecting it. I had looked at many websites
over the last couple months. But, hearing her say that almost made me lose my strength. I felt like I had been so weak for
the last few months that I was a bit surprised by how I handled everything after surgery. We brought Alana in...probably not
a good idea. I think that although we had been preparing her for months, she was scared of the incision and of the way we
all acted about it.
As the hours wore on, I sent Ken home to be with Alana and my parents hung out
with me while I monitored Brock, and just held him. It was so nice to have them there. They didn't talk a lot, or ask questions,
they just sat beside me and gave their support. I think they both knew how scared I was to allow other people to hold him,
but they offered, and I let them as I took a shower and tried to feel a bit more "fresh". I think we all knew that I was in
for a long night. Between the mentally challenged naked boy next door, to the constant beeping noises from all of Brock's
machines, I was in for the long haul.
Brock and I shared a bed. He barely ate that first day and night, which means
I was able to pump a lot! He whimpered most of the night and cryed a bit, but it was NOT as bad as I thought it was going
to be. Brock was a trooper. As one of his eyes swelled shut he looked over at me, while we were cuddling in bed, and gave
me a grin. It was like he felt better and knew that I would never hurt him, or leave him. To me, it was a sign...that everything
was going to be okay.
